What to say when I have nothing to say

What to say when you don't know what to say

The news from Aurora, Colorado spread as our country sat shocked, once again, at a senseless display of violence.  How can this be?  Why is this happening to us again?  What is wrong with people?  Shouldn't the government do something?  How can we stop this from happening?  Why would God allow this to happen?

There are times in our lives.  This is one of them.  We live in a fallen and condemned world and it is scary some times.  We live in a world full of guns and knives and bombs and grenades and beliefs and thoughts and actions that would make most people want to live fully protected in some underground bunker somewhere.  How shall we persist?  How can we move on?  Couldn't we just make guns illegal and make it go away?

Sorrowfully, that won't work.  See, there are already laws against murder, yet, when one deranged human decides to live outside the law, government intervention will always be meaningless.  Guns are here to stay, as are crazy people.  It is a normal reaction to look to the government for help, or at least some form of comfort.   But can your government really give you the peace you are looking for?

I feel so sorry for anyone who has had to deal with events such as the one that happened over the weekend.  I cannot imagine the terrible and personal sense of loss that must exist inside this community.  I just want to crawl into the fetal position and wake up to find out that it was just a bad dream.  I want to hug my kids and lock them away from the world.  I am scared.  All of this just seems so surreal. 

Is there anything we can say?  Anything we can do?  Should we send out search parties for loner types and hug them into submission and let them know they don't have to go to such extremes to get noticed?  Maybe that is a good starting point.  Wait, is there someone ELSE we can blame for this?  Yes, that's the ticket...find someone to blame. 

Nah, this is an unbelievable loss, and only one lost person is to blame. End of story.  Our desire to blame is just a deep inner sense of loss trying to find a way to feel better.  For each of us, our patience and faith, and belief has been stretched to the maximum and now, again, we have to evaluate how we can best handle this inside our homes and our families. 

This is just something I cannot explain.  I have wept for these people, and for this town, and for our country.  We live in a fallen, imperfect world, but it is still a beautiful place.  How beauty will be made from this tragic event is beyond my comprehension, but I believe it will happen.  I cannot imagine the grief right now, and could never find words to subdue the gravity of this moment. 

I believe in God, and that there is an eternity waiting for us in Heaven.  I believe Jesus died for me, as well as for those we grieve for, including the perpetrator of crime.  But I still can't understand it.  God gave me this life and doesn't have to explain it to me.  Perhaps it is like me being required to explain myself to a cockroach. 

A day after this event, 14 people were killed in a single auto accident in South Texas.  All around the world, day after day, bad things happen to good people.  Yet we must persist.  We must find something in ourselves that allows us to find the good in each day and move forward. I submit. 

Finally, an old Hymn comes to mind.  I could not have written this hymn under its circumstances, but to know of a person's faith and how it can indeed carry them through, inspires me and gives me hope. 

Here is the hymn and a bit of its history:

IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL

When peace like a river attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
What ever my lot you have taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul

Though the devil will ruin, though trials may come
Let this blessed assurance control
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate
And He shed His own blood for my soul

It is well, with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

My sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought
My sin not in part but the whole
Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, oh my soul

It is well, with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

It is well with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

And Lord haste the day when my faith shall be sight
And the clouds be rolled back as a scroll
The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend
Even so, it is well with my soul

It is well with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

It is well with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

This hymn was written by a Chicago lawyer, Horatio G. Spafford. You might think to write a worship song titled,
'It is well with my soul', you would indeed have to be a rich, successful Chicago lawyer. But the words,
"When sorrows like sea billows roll ... It is well with my soul”, were not written during the happiest period of
Spafford's life. On the contrary, they came from a man who had suffered almost unimaginable personal tragedy.

Horatio G. Spafford and his wife, Anna, were pretty well-known in 1860’s Chicago. And this was not just because
of Horatio's legal career and business endeavors. The Spaffords were also prominent supporters and close
friends of D.L. Moody, the famous preacher. In 1870, however, things started to go wrong. The Spaffords' only
son was killed by scarlet fever at the age of four. A year later, it was fire rather than fever that struck. Horatio
had invested heavily in real estate on the shores of Lake Michigan. In 1871, every one of these holdings was
wiped out by the great Chicago Fire.

Aware of the toll that these disasters had taken on the family, Horatio decided to take his wife and four
daughters on a holiday to England. And, not only did they need the rest -- DL Moody needed the help. He was
traveling around Britain on one of his great evangelistic campaigns. Horatio and Anna planned to join Moody in
late 1873. And so, the Spaffords traveled to New York in November, from where they were to catch the French
steamer 'Ville de Havre' across the Atlantic. Yet just before they set sail, a last-minute business development
forced Horatio to delay. Not wanting to ruin the family holiday, Spafford persuaded his family to go as planned.
He would follow on later. With this decided, Anna and her four daughters sailed East to Europe while Spafford
returned West to Chicago. Just nine days later, Spafford received a telegram from his wife in Wales. It read:
"Saved alone."

On November 2nd 1873, the 'Ville de Havre' had collided with 'The Lochearn', an English vessel. It sank in only
12 minutes, claiming the lives of 226 people. Anna Spafford had stood bravely on the deck, with her daughters
Annie, Maggie, Bessie and Tanetta clinging desperately to her. Her last memory had been of her baby being
torn violently from her arms by the force of the waters. Anna was only saved from the fate of her daughters by a
plank which floated beneath her unconscious body and propped her up. When the survivors of the wreck had
been rescued, Mrs. Spafford's first reaction was one of complete despair. Then she heard a voice speak to her,
"You were spared for a purpose." And she immediately recalled the words of a friend, "It's easy to be grateful
and good when you have so much, but take care that you are not a fair-weather friend to God."

Upon hearing the terrible news, Horatio Spafford boarded the next ship out of New York to join his bereaved
wife. Bertha Spafford (the fifth daughter of Horatio and Anna born later) explained that during her father's
voyage, the captain of the ship had called him to the bridge. "A careful reckoning has been made", he said, "and
I believe we are now passing the place where the de Havre was wrecked. The water is three miles deep." Horatio
then returned to his cabin and penned the lyrics of his great hymn.

The words which Spafford wrote that day come from 2 Kings 4:26. They echo the response of the Shunammite
woman to the sudden death of her only child. Though we are told "her soul is vexed within her", she still
maintains that 'It is well." And Spafford's song reveals a man whose trust in the Lord is as unwavering as hers
was.

It would be very difficult for any of us to predict how we would react under circumstances similar to those
experienced by the Spaffords. But we do know that the God who sustained them would also be with us.

No matter what circumstances overtake us may we be able to say with Horatio Spafford...It is well with my soul....

A Crooked Line In The Sand. Just Eat Salad.

So in my infinite wisdom, I let nearly a year slip by before writing another ill concieved blog post to myself.  A year has gone by and so much has happened in that year, it almost seems like a lifetime, and some of it seems like yesterday.  Wierd.

How do reasonable people let a year go by without doing things they enjoy?  How is it that it is so easy to get "STUCK". I am so worn out with resolutions, proclomations, promises, and drawing lines in the sand.  Just last February I was on track to get my health and wellness under control and here I sit, tired, eating a donut, and still overweight.  I am sure there is some protein pill, vitamin, or workout system that actually works, I just haven't chosen the right one yet.  Yes, the things I have at my disposal do work, but I don't work so well.  It is me.  Yep, I am the problem.  Let me guess, I need to wake up the warrior inside of me and declare war on fat, fitness, financial, and feline juggling?  I asked these questions to another and she said, "Just eat salad".

Ok, so I am starting off another calendar year with much to do, much to prove, and lots to erase.  I have so many good things in my life that I worry about sounding unappreciative, but it is my shortcomings that have always seemede to define my self-worth somehow.  Do you ever feel that way?  I have more faults than an earthquake store, and I want to make some changes.  I like that I have zero readers of this blog so that I can still keep my thoughts to myself, but also write them down here on digital paper. 

This pic was from a few months back when I was working on my well being.  I was attacked by donuts and french fries and have gone into seculsion.  I gotta make some changes.